It is exciting to watch Mark grow up.
When Ali, my daughter, started dating her boyfriend a few years ago, I was nervous about how Mark would react to a new person hanging around. However, he immediately liked Brendan. Whenever I mention seeing Ali, he says, “And Brendan.”
Now our family is getting to know Brendan’s family better, and last night we had dinner with them.
When I picked Mark up on Friday evening from his new home at 29 Acres rather than on the usual Saturday morning, he initially launched into his Saturday morning default of wanting to go for a drive and saying what he wants for breakfast.
“Mark,” I said, "you know it’s not breakfast time. It’s almost dinner time, and we are going to a Mexican restaurant with Ali and Brendan.”
“Mexican restaurant with Ali and Brendan!” he said.
Then, I eased him into the next part. “Yes, but there will be two other people: Brendan’s parents. You met them once at a Texas Rangers game and liked them. They’re the Foleys: Bill and Amy.”
“Bill and Amy!” he said.
“Yes,” I said. Next, I eased him into the place. Mexican food is his favorite, but the Foleys selected a restaurant Mark has only been to once before. “We’ll eat at Anamia’s. You've been there before. It's a Mexican place.”
“Anamia’s with Mom, Dad, Ali, Brendan, Bill, and Amy,” he said.
And he smiled. In fact, he was happy and chatty all through the meal.
When it was time to order our drinks, he rushed through “I want water” so that he could tell the waiter “We’ll get queso to start.” Once upon a time, I thought he might never talk. I certainly didn't think he would ever order an appetizer for the table.
Mark had a hard time deciding between chicken quesadillas and chicken nachos, but when he heard Ali order nachos he chose a quesadilla because he knew he could trade with her. He has become a shrewd negotiator.
Quickly after the food arrived, he offered Ali a slice of his quesadilla for a nacho in his usual way: he takes a big bite out of his quesadilla first.
“I’ll take a whole quesadilla,” Ali said.
Mark was aware of everything going on at the table and was enjoying everyone. Sometimes it's hard to believe this is the same guy whom people used to say was content to sit and watch the world pass him by.
When it was time to get the bill, Mark asked the waiter for a box. There was an irony to this because Mark's food was gone, but he wanted to be sure everyone else took their food home. In his mind, this is the responsible thing to do, but he was also thinking ahead. Usually he wants someone else’s leftovers the next day for lunch.
“Amy, put your food in the box!” he said. In fact, he said a bunch of long sentences, which is new for him.
At the end of the meal, we gave the Foleys a Christmas gift - a bottle of wine and some chocolates.
“I’d like to try the treat,” said Mark. "I want the slice with strawberries on top."
I loved seeing Mark embrace a restaurant he’d only been to once before with people he’d only encountered once before and talking in ways he hadn’t historically.
I’ve had a hard time this past year knowing Mark is living outside our home and dealing with lots of dynamic situations. His move to a supported living community was a risky life choice, with the potential to be wonderful or terrible.
Mark has risen to the challenges. He continues to grow more independent, confident, and mature and become a little more “Mark” and not only “Shary’s son.”
This year I will try to be more “Shary” and less only “Mark’s mom.” Seeing him grow will help me.
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