When Love showed up,
It was years before I expected him.
Love spoke with a mild Southern accent,
With maturity and reserve.
I did not expect Love to be a classmate
And especially not a high school one.
I was looking instead for Like
And had my eye on a few prospects.
Love did not even like me at first.
Instead he felt “a mild dislike”
For what I still consider a silly reason.
In time Love’s attractiveness
Made me look.
His wit
Made me smile.
His insights
Made me think.
Love showed up
At a swim meet
Not to watch my races,
But to watch me.
Love invited me to dance
And held me close,
And I knew we would end up dating.
“What are you doing on my birthday?”
Love asked.
I had plans for that evening
And told him,
“I’m going to a friend’s birthday party."
Then I heard myself say,
“But she’s not that close of a friend.”
Love saw me as an individual,
Separate from my twin sister
At a time when it didn’t seem that many did.
On our first date,
Love took me to a movie,
And I hoped he would put his arm around me.
And he did.
Love drove me home,
And I hoped he would kiss me goodnight
And he did.
At school we played footsie in French
And sat next to each other in Calculus.
I flirted in Chemistry.
“Will you light my Bunsen burner?”
Growing close to Love was easy
Maybe because I had a twin,
A womb mate and a confidante,
A best friend,
And was used to sharing thoughts.
.
John and I became inseparable,
But college was coming.
It seemed crazy to stay together
But wrong to be apart.
We went off to different colleges
Far from our high school
Far from each other
Not knowing how close we would remain.
It was awkward.
I was awkward.
“Will you invite me
To your wedding someday?”
I asked.
“I hope you’ll be in it,”
He replied.
“Maybe I will,”
I thought.
“I need to find myself again,
To have people see me
As an individual
And not as part of a unit.”
But I found myself
Unhappy without my Love,
Crying myself to sleep.
I found having a long-distance relationship
Cumbersome and complicated.
Love wrote me weekly letters,
“Dearest Shary …”
Not knowing what type of letters
Those beginning with “Dear John”
Might bring.
Love drove 650 miles
To see me
And another 650 miles back
In snow and ice storms.
I spent the summer after our freshman year
With him and his family in North Carolina.
Love spent the following summer at my college taking classes.
We needed to evaluate our relationship,
To make a decision.
We decided to get engaged.
“You’re not disappointed that I am engaged at only 20,
are you?”
I asked my mom.
“Not at all,” she said.
“I would be disappointed
If you didn’t marry John.
You're soulmates.”
With my ring
And my fiancé,
I found myself happy
And settled.
And even more focused
On my studying.
Two years later,
John and I were married
In a beautiful ceremony
In Tampa.
General Norman Schwarzkopf,
In the building
For his retirement party,
Crashed our reception
And gave me a kiss.
My dad toasted us
With the words
“I’m not losing a daughter
I’m losing a $300 per month phone bill.”
We seemed to be back to our fairy tale.
I wanted to be.
My Love and I lived in Houston
Then Durham
And then Dallas
Houston again
London
And then Dallas.
I became pregnant
Lost the baby
Got pregnant again
And miscarried early.
Those years were hard,
Too hard.
In time
We had
And held
Beautiful Ali.
Then
We lost another baby
And I lost hope.
A year later
I gave birth
To premature
Precious Mark.
"He’s not a well baby,”
Said the doctor,
But he seemed well to me.
It seemed we had the perfect family.
One girl
One boy
A mom and dad in love.
But we lost a baby again
Though he was right in front of us
To autism,
A diagnosis that is rumored to bring
Divorce to 80% of marriages.
But John was with me
Through it all,
And we got our son back,
Though he was different
From what we were expecting.
I saw our family
As perfect
Or imperfectly perfect
Or perfectly imperfect.
Four gloriously unique individuals.
I now had three Loves:
A husband who was my best friend,
Two kids who were close.
Life is not a fairy tale
But it doesn’t need to be.
Love requires commitment
And realistic expectations,
Putting aside
The other plans
We thought were important
To prioritize each other.
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